Welcome to the Berlin Toilet™️
According to the State, as of September 2023, there are a total of 472 public toilets in Berlin. Maybe one day I’ll have used them all.
I don’t remember what my life was like before the public bathrooms were erected. Maybe I was just chronically dehydrated, but maybe I also wasn’t walking as much as I am now. (I definitely wasn’t – my phone tells me that I averaged about 7-8k steps a day in 2018 when it began tracking these things.) It used to be that I had to carry a coin on me at all times. Living in Wedding, I was lucky if there was a bobo coffee shop open that would let me run in quickly. I didn’t stray far from home.
And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, these gray stone structures started popping up on the edges of parks and in the platz. With just 50 cents you were in. The doors close, and a free stock track called “Corporate Dreams” begins to play. The stage is yours, but if you need more time, simply press a button to extend your visit in neat 20 minute intervals.
At first you could still pay with coins, but then something incredible happened. Fucking card readers!!!! I quickly realized why.
Unhoused people usually don’t have cards. Therefore, they can’t use the bathrooms for illicit activities. That hasn’t stopped people from forcing open the doors and trashing my toilets anyway, but by then I’d moved to Schöneberg and had my preferred pissoirs. The one by Victoria-Louise-Platz is always chill. Winterfeldplatz can be hit or miss and often stinks of chemical drugs. If going outside of the ring, particularly in the West, most of the toilets are FREE to use with a push of a button. My theory is that these are for the pensioners. They are usually the cleanest.
One thing is for sure: I simply cannot survive without these bathrooms. And after nearly a decade living in Germany (!) I will never complain about having to pay 50c to piss. Sure, the surfaces are almost always weirdly sopping wet but that’s because they’re automatically sanitised after each use. In contrast, the “free” restrooms in my hometown are unequivocally so fucking disgusting that I question why they exist at all. Why there’s at least one stall in my local Old Navy or Academy Sports just absolutely caked in someone’s explosive diarrhea is just...
MOVING ON.
The Berlin Toilet: my favorite big city convenience. A beacon of hope when I’ve had too much liquid. Symbol of Innovation and the Future. One day soon, when I muster up the courage to look at my bank account, I will tally up all that I’ve spent on the Berlin Toilet. Perhaps they will sponsor me.
My top 3 places to pee in Berlin*
📍KaDeWe Women’s Department
Pro: avoid the crowds on the 6th floor food court.
Con: good luck finding it LOL
📍Hellweg at Yorckstraße
Pro: free! right by the entrance! usually empty!
Con: only open Mon-Sat :/
📍Edeka No.1 in Steglitz
Pro: a clean bathroom in a grocery store, hell yeah. what a novelty.
Con: literally none. love this bathroom.